Chapter 817

Sister Mary Ann’s Gasoline

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away.

She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street ... One of them turned to the other and said,

“If it starts, I’m turning Catholic!”

These are compliments of J & B

A few Thoughts to comtemplate.

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know it’s raining in Sweden?

A guy in a dental chair, asked the dentist. I keep hearing about Bluetooth! What’s the best way to prevent it?

Did you know that “dammit I’m mad” is spelled backwards is “dammit I’m Mad”?

I had a really bad day: first my ex got run over by a bus.
Then I got fired from my job as a bus driver.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, those cops came out of nowhere!

Soup of the day: tequila.

Do you know what happened 167 years ago this summer September 8, 1850?

California became a state! The people had no electricity, the state had no money and almost everyone spoke Spanish. They were gunfights in the streets.

So basically clean nothing has changed except back then the women had real tits and the men didn’t hold hands.

And that my friend is your history lesson for today.

More thoughts...

I wish there was a way to donate fat like you could donate blood!

Sometimes the thoughts in my head get bored and go out for a stroll through my mouth which is never a good thing...

Why is it after I push one for English, I still can’t understand the person on the other end?

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90-year-old, body of a 20-year-old and the energy of a three year old.

I love the kind of hugs where you can physically feel the sadness leaving your body.

I told you that I do not have Alzheimer’s I have some time, sometimes I remember, and sometimes I don’t!!

I have just been diagnosed with NCD no can do!

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, just call me, and I’ll laugh at you.

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory.

I have a brain like the Bermuda triangle information goes in never to be found again!

I may not be wonder woman, but can do things that make you wonder.

Your good friends make bad days a little more bearable.

So much to do no desire to do it!

Always believe something wonderful is going to happen. Even with all the ups and downs, never take a day for granted. Smile, cherish the little things and remember the ones you really love.

OMG! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!

The longest password ever.

During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following pass word:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

“hello! It has to be at least eight characters and include at least one capital.”

Of course she was blonde. But she did have a secure password.