Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 813
These are compliments of Joe S.
Just a few Puns...
1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
2. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
3. Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says “I think we got this joke wrong”
4. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
5. What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
6. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks” I said “Don’t mention it”
7. I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
8. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
9. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
10. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange” I said: “no it doesn’t”
11. And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster.
12. How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb? Is it one or two? One ... or two?
13. What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want them? NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW.
14. What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
16. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
17. So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.
18. How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.
19. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
20. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
21. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.
22. This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
23. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”
24. I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
25. I went bobsleighing the other day, killed 250 bobs.
26. I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Toronto zoo.
27. What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke ... timing.
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