Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 811
These are compliments of smokeyjoe
TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN,
YET THE YOUNGEST YOU’LL EVER BE,
SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
Your Kids are becoming you ... but your grandchildren are Perfect!
Going Out is good ... Coming Home is better!
You Forget names ... But it’s OK because other people forgot they Even knew you!!!
You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything ... Especially bowls OR Golf
The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s Called “pre-sleep”.
You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” Switch...
You tend to use more 4 letter words... “what?”...”when?”... ???
Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?!!!
What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
Everybody Whispers.
You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet... 2 of which you will never wear.
But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
Stay well, “OLD FRIEND!” Send this on to other “Old Friends!” and let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!
It’s Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter
That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived
Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, “Well, bugger me, someone’s gotta go and tell Coot’s wife.”
Mongrel says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
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