Chapter 806

This will make sense for people living in Ontario Canada.

Wynne is a Liberal Premier of Ontario, not the sharpest knife in the drawer!!

I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old. The salesperson (a nice looking, black lady wearing a “I lOVE WYNNE” lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options. The seats were of particular interest. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be a CONSERVATIVE truck. Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a CONSERVATIVE truck. I explained that if it were a Wynne truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round! I had to walk back to the dealership. It was worth it...

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. How did you do it?”

“I used a diagram, your honor I drew two circles like this: Oo. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. “And how did you do?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

“Wow!” says the judge. “156 people! How did you manage to do that?”

“Well, I used a similar diagram,” the guy says. “I drew two circles like this: oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...”

This is compliments of J & B

Just some DEEP thoughts for 2017

• The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

• My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

• The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

• My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 lbs I’ve gained since then.

• I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

• The speed with which a woman says “nothing”, when asked “What’s wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the shit storm that’s coming.

• Denny’s has a slogan, ‘If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.’ If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday ... Your life stinks!

• On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had NO idea I was Japanese!

• I can’t understand why women are okay that J C Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor”.

• I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

• What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their noses?

• Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

• The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet is because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course, Opie – all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.