Chapter 805

Two older gentleman are sitting on a bench, when one asks the other, “at our age, what would you rather have, Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?”

The other gent replies, “Parkinson’s. Better to spill half and ounce of scotch than to forget where you keep the bottle.”

These are compliments of Allan

California is the granola state ... If you take out the fruits and the nuts, all you have left are the flakes.

A princess had a spell put on her so that everything she touched would melt. The king was frantic with worry, so he called all his sorcerers and wizards together to solve the problem. They sat, and discussed and debated, and finally concluded that if the princess were to touch something that wouldn’t melt, the spell would be broken.

The king sent a proclamation throughout the kingdom that anyone who would bring the princess something to touch that wouldn’t melt would get to marry the princess, live happily ever after and all that.

On the designated day, three men showed up. The first had a sword made of vanadium steel ... real hard stuff ... The princess touched it. Foop ... it melted. The second one had a large diamond ... hardest thing in the world ... can’t melt, right? The princess touched it. Foop ... it melted. The third one told the princess to put her hand in his pants pocket, and touch what she felt there. She was very embarrassed and didn’t want to do it, but he insisted. She put her hand there, felt something hard and it didn’t melt. The spell was broken! Everyone was overjoyed. He married the princess, and they lived happily ... But what did she feel there? ... M&Ms, of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What were YOU thinking, you pervert?

This one is compliments of J & B

FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel... ‘ After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’

‘It was Bob the next door neighbor, ‘ she replies. ‘Great, ‘ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’