Chapter 802

Random Thoughts:,

As Clint Eastwood says,”Too many assholes not enough bullets.”

Some days I amaze myself some.

Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.

I wonder if common sense will ever make it come back.

Do not explain yourself to stupid people you’re not the jackass whisperer.

The world is not full assholes but they are strategically placed so that you’ll come across one every day.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an amp they’ll start using it.

So I saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing is he looked both ways before crossing what a smart ass.

The generation of today is so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.

When people say: stop living in the past, my thought in turn is, “but the music was so much better then!”

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones, that’s why they are called cell phones

This one is compliments of jamien

Elderly Golfer

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course. He heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house.

As he passes through the doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER... $2.50

HAMBURGER... $3.50

CHEESEBURGER... $4.25

CHICKEN SANDWICH.$4.75

HAND JOB... $150.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the elderly golfer walks up to the bar & beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile.

“May I help you sir?”

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers,

“I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand jobs around here?”

She looks into his wrinkled eyes and with a wide smile purrs,

“Yes sir, I sure am. I give the best hand jobs around.”

The old golfer leans in even closer and into her left ear says softly, “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.