Chapter 801

A Cowboy at the Pearly Gates

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.

‘Well, I can think of one thing, ‘ the cowboy offered.

‘On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll kick the shit out of all of you!’

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’

‘Couple of minutes ago.’

These two are compliments of J & B

GRANDMA

A man moves into a nudist colony.

He receives a letter from his Grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He’s really worried but then remembers how bad his Grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother, It says: “Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle ... It makes your nose look too short.”

Love, Grandma

This Grandpa Had the best Solution For His out of Control Grandson.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, snacks, all sorts of things.

The granddad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy William, we won’t be long ... easy boy.” Another outburst and she hears the granddad calmly say “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy!”

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Granddad says again in a controlled voice: “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Very impressed she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says: “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is a very lucky to have you as his granddad.”

“Thanks” say Grandpa. “But I am William. The little buggers name is Kevin!”