Chapter 783

You really have to be a Canadian to Appreciate This!!!!

KFC UP DATE!

Remember when Playboy magazine reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue?

Then Michelle Obama was offered $50 by National Geographic?

And remember when KFC offered a “Hillary” meal, consisting of two small breasts and two large thighs?

Now KFC is offering the “TRUDEAU Cabinet Bucket.”

It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.

Just keeping you up to date...

These are compliments of Paul H.

An older man was speeding down the road at 80 mph when he looked in his rearview mirror and saw a Texas Highway Patrol car coming with its lights flashing and siren blaring. Thinking he could outrun the trooper, the man speeded up to 100 mph. Suddenly, he realized his foolishness and pulled over to the side of the road and stopped.

The trooper pulled up, walked up to the car and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes and it’s Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked at the trooper and said, “Last week my wife ran off with a State Trooper and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The trooper replied, “Have a nice day.”

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my kid decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck.

I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself right now, she would be punished To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee(dick) last night!”.

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing!

I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

Michael said: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”

The teacher responded by saying: “That would be rude and impolite.

“What about you Sherman, how would you say it?”

Sherman said: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Ill be right back.”

The teacher responded by saying: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

“And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?”

I would say: “Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.” The teacher fainted.

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday.

I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone.

As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs.

I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone.

Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled “SURPRISE!”.

My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there!

My girlfriend and I were frozen to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.

Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.