Chapter 770

This one is compliments of Carl

THE LIZARD...

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past.

The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?”

The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint.

After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river. At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side. He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!”

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!”

The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE ... how much water did you drink?”

This one is compliments fo s800482

Three pals go bear hunting. On arrival at the cabin it is discovered that Jack forgot his rifle.

The other two guys give him a rasher of shit and ask how he figured to get his bear. Jack embarrassed for his error said he had a system and for them not to worry. Jack grabs the TP roll and heads out to do his business.

Shortly the front door crashes open as Jack runs through the cabin and runs out the back door closing it as he goes through. Yelling at his friends “here is the first one You skin it and I will go get the next one.”

A husband every year goes deer hunting with his friends but this year this his buddies can’t get off work.

Betty his wife says she will go deer hunting with him. She has never shown an interest in hunting and never held a gun.

Not wanting to miss out on his deer hunting he agrees to teach her what to do. The last thing he says to her after getting out in the woods is “don’t forget to wrap your license on the horns as soon as you get it as another hunter will claim the deer as his.”

Standing real quietly in a shadow a deer walks right by her. She shoots and the deer drops in a heap. Betty remembering her last instructions she digs in her purse to find the license and fastens it to the horns.

The deer jumps up and runs down the trail. With her purse in her hand she runs after her tagged deer. One hundred yards down the trail another hunter shoots the deer. Betty runs up purse in hand yelling “that’s my deer it has my license on it.”

The other hunter says “lady if you can run fast enough to put your tag on it, it’s yours.”