Chapter 768

One morning a man comes into church on crutches. He stops In front of the Holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.

An altar boy witnessed the episode and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest says, ‘Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?

‘Flat on his arse, Father, over by the holy water.’

Wayne: “Your new secretary is very sexy...” Gary: “Thanks! She’s actually a robot, named Doreen...

If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters. Will work as long as you like, no complaining, no sick days, no medical, no dental...

I’ll lend her to you for a day & you can see how functional and efficient she is”.

Next day, Wayne calls Gary from the hospital & shouts:

“Gary ... You bastard! You didn’t tell me that the hole between Doreen’s legs is a Pencil Sharpener...”

These are compliments of Smokey Joe

Rastus and Liza where were making love on railway tracks. The driver of an oncoming train sounded his horn and applied the brakes and the train stopped bare inches from the couple. When asked why they hadn’t moved, Rastus replied, “Well, the train was comin’, and Liza was comin’, and I was comin’ ... and the train was the only one with brakes.”

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?” “Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. “Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?” The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, “Because they are considered of lesser status.” Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, “What has changed?” The guide answered, “Land mines.”

Doris is sitting in a bar and says to her friend that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. The bartender tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.” Doris asks, “How do I do it without surgery?” “Just rub toilet paper between them.” Fascinated, Doris says, “How does that make them bigger?” “I don’t know, but it sure worked for your ass!”