Chapter 759

The Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son...

He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face...

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s’ testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying,

“I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic.

Are you a doctor?”

... “No,” the woman replied. “I’m with Revenue Canada.”

And who said the IRS couldn’t learn more...

Say thanks to Rick M. for these.

The Obedient Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!”

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

When I got back from Vancouver last week I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. It was a short line with just one guy in front of me ... an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated!

He asked the teller, “Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two huna dolla fo yen. Today I get huna eighty?? Why it change?”

The teller shrugged her shoulders and said, “Fluctuations”.

The Asian guy says, “Fluc you white people too...

This one is compliments of George.

Two elderly widows, Zelda & Gerti, were sitting on their front porch sipping a mint julep on a quintessential summer evening.

Zelda turns to Gerti and asks, “Gerti? You and Harry - back in the day - did the two of you have Mutual Orgasms?”

Gerti put down her Mint Julep, and pondered this question for quite some time. After a few minutes, she responded:

“No, I think we had State Farm.