Chapter 756

This one is compliments of Squeezeplay

Two men are sitting at the bar in a Las Vegas casino. One turns to the other and says “ I love this weather. I’m tired of the cold and snow”.

The second asks “where are you from?”

The first says “Michigan. You?”

“I’m from Miami. You ought to move there. The weather is beautiful year round.”

“Miami? With all that crime?”

Nah, it really is quite nice”.

“I’ve seen all the drug stories, the gangs, the illegal immigrants and their violence on tv.”

“Overblown sensationalism!”

“Well, what do you do in Miami?”

“I’m a tail gunner on a Coca Cola truck.”

This one is compliments of denny

Pat & Mike were the best of friends, though they weren’t much alike. Pat was a good man, a hard worker, and even treated his wife well. Mike, now--he skived off work anytime he could, spent what money he had down the pub, and chased the skirts shamelessly.

It came to them, as to all of us, that they passed on. Pat, of course, went to Heaven, and Mike ... well, he went to the other place. After a couple quick millenia, Pat found out that he could visit his old pal, so off he went. The imp at the gate admitted him and told him to wait right there and Mike would be along.

Fairly soon a shining Caddy convertible pulls up, driven by a chauffeur, and there’s Mike in back with a lovely blonde on one knee, and a booze-jug on the other.

Pat goes off: “Mike, what gives? I’ve been in heaven these two thousand years, being rewarded for the honorable life I led, and you supposedly are bein’ punished for all your wenching, drinkin’ and gambling. Yet here you are in a limo with a blonde on one knee and a jug o’ booze on t’other. Tell me straight up, boyo, what’s up here?”

Mike shakes his head a little, and sez, “Pat me bhoy, it’s a sad tale I have to tell ya. The bottle has a hole in the bottom, and the blonde doesn’t. If that ain’t Hell, I dunno what is.”