Chapter 755

This is compliments of Deepdweler

For what it is worth, being “clean” and apolitical -

Forrest Gump died and went to heaven, where he was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says “Forrest, it is so good to have you here, we have been waiting for you!” Forrest replies “Well, thank you St Peter” St Peter then explains to Forrest that God had recently started some new rules for all entrants into heaven, they had to complete a brief 3 question quiz, and if they got them all right they would be admitted. “So,” said St. Peter, “We will start with an easy one so you won’t get too nervous. How many days start with the letter T?” Forrest thinks and thinks, rubbing his chin and finally says “Well, I reckon there must be two, Today and Tomorrow.” St. Peter is taken slightly aback, but after a brief pause says “Well, Forrest, that wasn’t quite the answer I was thinking of, but I have to admit that you are correct and so I will give you credit for that question. Now the next question is a little harder. How many seconds are there in a year?” Again, Forrest thinks and thinks. Finally he answers “12”. St. Peter - “How did you come up with that answer Forrest?” Forrest “Well, there’s January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...”, and St. Peter interrupts “Well, yes, again, not the answer I was expecting, but correct in its own way.” “Final question Forrest. What is the first name of God?” Forrest immediately speaks up, “Why that is easy St Peter, it is Andy!” St Peter replies “Why do you think it is Andy, Forrest?” “From the hymn St. Peter, ‘Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me” said Forrest in a sing-song voice. St. Peter stares at him for a minute, then opens the gate “Run, Forrest, Run”

For nurses -

What is the difference between a nurse and a toilet seat? A toilet seat only has to face one asshole at a time!

What is long and black and hangs around an asshole? A stethoscope!

This one is compliments of Attila

A brand new automation technology has been announced.

It’s so advanced and effective, that from now on, only a pilot and a dog will be required in all aircraft.

The pilot will be there to make sure the dog is fed and watered.

The dog is there to bite the pilot if the pilot makes any move to touch the controls.

This one is compliments of Calvin

There are these two tall trees growing side by side in the woods, a birch and a beech.

One day a small tree begins to grow in-between them, and the beech says to the birch, do you think that’s a son of a beech or a son of a birch?

The birch tells the beech he doesn’t know.

Just then a woodpecker flies over and lands on the sapling.

The birch says, Hey, Woodpecker, you’re a tree expert. Can you tell me if that little tree is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and then replies, it’s neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I’ve ever put my pecker in.