Chapter 75

You have to love those Newfies...

A road crew supervisor in southern Ontario hired Herb from Newfoundland, to paint the yellow line down the middle of highway 10 heading up toward Wasaga Beach. He was skeptical about hiring him since he didn't have any painting background; however, he appeared enthusiastic and told him that he really needed the job. At least his wife Lorrie-Jane, told him so.

He explained to Herb, that his work day would be to complete 2 miles of centerline on the road. He was set up with brushes and paint and his boss got him started.

After the first day, the supervisor was pleased to find that he'd painted 4 miles of road in his 8 hour shift, instead of the two expected of him. He told Herb, that he did an excellent job, and said how pleased he was with his progress.

On the second day, Herb completed painting just the 2 miles of road that was asked of him. His supervisor was surprised, because on the first day, he had completed twice as much work. But he didn't say anything, since 2 miles of road was the amount that the job required anyway. He decided to just accept it, and to look forward to the next day when he was sure that Herb would pick up the pace again.

On day 3, the supervisor was disappointed to learn that in his 8 hour shift, Herb completed painting only 1 mile of road. Herb was called to the supervisor's office and asked what was the problem.

"On your first day, you completed 4 miles of road, on your second day, 2 miles of road, and now on day 3, you were only able to complete 1 mile of road. What's the problem, Herb?"

"Well," Herb replied, "I'll tell you watt is da problem dare boy, but I taught a smart man like you would figger it out fer yourself. Every day I got farder and farder away from da paint can."

This one is compliments of Earl

Who is your daddy, and what does he do?

Little Russell was at school one morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc. But Russell was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

Russell said "My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him." The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little

Russell aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No," said Russell, "He plays football for the

Crows but I was just too embarrassed to say."

(For those who are unaware, the Crows are an AFL

Football team, and have some of the most arrogant supporters you can imagine.)