Chapter 749

This one is compliments of Charm B. :

Just one or two (actually four) old ones you may not have met. I like the last one best, perhaps because I was born before Germany invaded Poland in 1939.

Why are brides dressed all in white?

To match the rest of the kitchen fixtures.

How many baritones does it take to change a light bulb?

They can’t. Someone has to fetch a tenor to stand on a chair and change it, while all the baritones stand round saying, “I can’t do that - it’s too high.”

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1 This is this cat.
2 This is is cat.
3 This is how cat.
4 This is to cat.
5 This is keep cat.
6 This is an cat.
7 This is old cat.
8 This is fool cat.
9 This is busy cat.
10 This is for cat.
11 This is forty cat.
12 This is seconds cat.

Now, go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: “Don’t Miss The Amazing Italian.”

Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it is an old retired Italian. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings!

The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Italian is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: “Don’t Miss the Amazing Italian.” He can’t believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket.

Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Italian stands before them, then suddenly unzips his fly and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd goes wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. “You’re incredible,” he tells the Italian, “But I have to know something. You’re older now, why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?”

“Well,” says the Italian, “My eyes aren’t what they used to be!”