Chapter 745

These are compliments of Smokey Joe

A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly. The pilot speaks over the intercom...

“I’m sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne “.

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane’s altitude continues to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, “I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this Alphabetically, so we’ll start with the letter ‘A’”.

“Africans? Are there any Africans on board?”

There was no answer so the pilot calls, “Black people, are there any black people on board?”

Again silence...

“C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?”

Still there is silence. A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said, “Mum, ain’t we African? Ain’t we black? Ain’t we coloured?”

She replied, “Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. If that don’t work we is Zulus”...

Today’s Short Reading from the Bible ... From Genesis:

“And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth”.
Then he made the earth round ... And he laughed and laughed and laughed...

Daylight Savings Time

It doesn’t get much simpler than this explanation.

Arizona is the only state in the United States that does not recognize daylight saving.

Saskatchewan is the only Canadian province that does not have it either.

Probably because of ‘The Old Indian.’

When told the reasons for daylight savings the Old Indian said,

“Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket.”

Thank You, Old Indian!
Remember- Keep Smiling
It makes people wonder
What you’re up to!!

This one is compliments of Kevin F.

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered!’

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable.”