Chapter 742

These are compliments of Brad...

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentally drops some airgun pellets from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won’t matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don’t even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, “Mom, mom, I pissed out a bb!” She says “That’s okay, son. I accidentally dropped some bee bees into the cake batter. You’ll be fine.” Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, “Mom, mom, I...” But the mother cuts him off and she says, “I know, I know, you pissed out a bee bee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you’ll be fine.” Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, “Mom, mom, I...” And the mother cuts him off and says, “I know, I know, you pissed out a bee bee. It’s my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you’ll be fine.” But then son says, “No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!”

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle’s butt and asks, “How high up are we?” “About 2,000 feet,” the eagle replies. The mouse replies, “You ain’t sh*ttin’ me, are you?”

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices strange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: “You’ve been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We’ll have to cut it off.” The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan. The doctor examines him and says, “You’ve been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?” The man replies, “Yes a few in the USA.” The doctor says, “I bet they told you it had to be cut off.” The man answers, “Yes!” The doctor smiles, nods, “That is not correct. It will fall off by itself.”

A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, “What are you doing?” The naked man replies, “I’m finding out the time -- it is 12:15.” The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, “Wow, it really is 12:15.” The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, “What are you doing?” The naked man replies, “I’m seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15.” The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he’s doing and he replies, “I’m winding my watch.”

These are compliments of A. Von Q.

What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Q. What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A. It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.