Chapter 740

Woman’s Driving Test

A lady failed the written driver’s license test 4 times. At the fifth attempt, she was determined to pass.

But the test had the same question:

“You are driving at 120 mph. On your right is a wall. On your left is a cliff. On the road in front of you, you see a old man and a young man. What should you hit?”

The woman walked up to the Examiner and said, “I’ve answered this question in all four possible ways; - wall, cliff, young man, old man - yet I failed the test all four times!! How is this possible? What am I supposed to hit?”

The Examiner said, “The brakes.”

(PS: Men are not supposed to laugh, please!!!!)

These are compliments of Mario M.

Paddy was walking through a town one day when he say a shop with a notice in the window. The notice said “We sell everything”. Paddy could not believe this so he went inside. He walked to the counter and asked the salesperson, “Do you really sell everything?” The salesperson said “Yes, everything”.

Thinking this was too good to be true Paddy said “OK then could I have a jumper for a chicken?”. The salesperson said “A jumper for a chicken?, hold on I will have to check the stock out the back”

Five minutes later, the salesperson returned with a brown paper bag. “Here you go, one jumper for a chicken”

“How much?” asked Paddy.

“Three quid.” replied the salesperson.

“Three quid for a jumper for a chicken - excellent.” said Paddy. So away he went. When he got outside he thought to himself that maybe he was done, so he looked inside the bag. At the bottom of the bag was a condom.

He was mad and stormed back into the shop. He screamed at the saleperson “Hey, I asked you for a jumper for a chicken and you have given me a condom - whats going on?”

The salesperson replied, “Sorry mate, I checked in the back and we seem to be all out of jumpers for chickens, all we had was a pullover for a cock!!...

The job interviewer asked, “whats your full name?”

“It’s Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith.”

The interviewer asked me, “do you suffer from tourettes Peter?”

“No” I replied, “but the vicar at my Christening did.”

Girls mature faster than guys because men don’t usually develop breasts until their mid 40’s.

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his “manhood” into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn’t remove the instrument from his ‘member’.

He read the manual but didn’t find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier’s Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone (Thank god for cell phones!).

“Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow’s udder?”

“Don’t worry,” replied the customer service rep, “The machine will release automatically once it’s collected two gallons.