Chapter 737

This one is compliments of John A.

50 Shades of Grey for Seniors

Back and forth...
Back and forth...
In and out...
In and out...
A little to the right...
A little to the left...

She could feel the sweat on her forehead...
Between her breasts...
And, trickling down the small of her back...
She was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy...
with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved...
Forwards then backwards...
Forward then backward...
Again...
and again...

Her heart was pounding now...
Her face was flushed...
She moaned...
softly at first, then began to groan louder...

Finally...
totally exhausted...
she let out a piercing scream...

“OK, OK, you smug bastard,
I can’t parallel park. You do it!”

“Okay class. Now I’m going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off.” said the teacher.

“Who is credited with writing the phrase, To be or not to be, that is the question?” asked the teacher.

Little Pham Lam Nguyen at the front of the class called out, “Shakespeare”.

“Well done!” said the teacher, “You can have Monday off.”

“No thank you Miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard.” said Little Pham Lam Nguyen.

“Well okay,” said the teacher. The next quote is, “I had a dream!”

Little Fri Sum Kat also at the front yelled out “I bereiva it was Martin Ruther King!” “Well done!” said the teacher. “You can have Monday off”

“No thanka you miss I am of Chinese oligin and we also do not take time offa school. Education is evelything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too.” said little Fri Sum Kat.

“Okay,” said the teacher. Then she heard a voice from the back of the classroom, “Fucking Immigrants!”

“Who said that?” yelled the teacher in an angry tone.

“Donald Trump!” Yelled little Johnny “See ya Tuesday.”

This one is compliments of J and B

SMART ASS

One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. he would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less.

NOW...

Enough of that crap ... The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock...

MORAL FROM TODAY’S LESSON:

When you do something wrong,
and try to cover your ass,
it always comes back to bite you.