Chapter 735

These Compliments Of The Shy One.

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work. She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”

The husband said, “Great, tell me why you’re so happy!”

“I’m pregnant!” she shouted.

He said, “That’s wonderful! I couldn’t be happier!”

Then, she said, “Oh, Honey, wait, there’s more!” He asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we aren’t having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS! Amazed, he asked her how she knew.

She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the twin-pack Home Pregnancy Test kit” and BOTH tests came out positive!”

An honest man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him.

He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman hit the roof--and the horn--screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him.

I noticed the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder,

the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker,

the ‘Follow Me to Sunday School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.

Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car!