Chapter 733

These Are Compliments Of Mario M

Well, I’m still sitting at the Emergency department 🚑 🚑 😩
What an awesome start to the New Year 😩 😩

Today has not been a good day. I decided to go horse riding, something I haven’t done in many years. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then it went a little faster; before I knew it, it was going as fast as the horse could go. I couldn’t take the pace and fell off, but caught my foot in the stirrup with the horse dragging me. It wouldn’t stop. Thank goodness the manager at Toys-R-Us Peter came out and unplugged the machine. But he had the nerve to take the rest of my change so I wouldn’t attempt to ride the Elephant.

THE PENIS ASKS FOR A PAY RISE: I hereby request a pay rise because I do physical labour at great depths. I don’t get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a wet environment in a dark place that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures and my work exposes me to contagious diseases. Yours sincerely, Mr. P. Niss. Response: After considering your request and the arguments raised we reject it for the following reasons: You need to be stimulated into starting work. You are part time and fall asleep after brief work periods. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift and you don’t observe safety rules such as protective clothing. You can’t work double shifts and you often dribble. Yours sincerely, Ms. V. Gina...

My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night. I told her I was looking for cheap flights. “I love you!” she said, and then she got all excited, That night we had the most amazing sex ever ... Which is odd because she’s never shown an interest in darts before.

Just been round my Gran’s and opened our presents. My 5-year-old son got a bottle of Jack Daniels. Lucky bastard! I got Spider Man pyjamas that are way too small for me.

These are compliments of Dom A

S’more that I dredged from the past:

Girl and guy go dancing at a very radical place in NYC around 1 AM. The night was late, the music was slow, and the dancing had evolved with the help of alcohol from Shake It to large mass of serious, erotic, slow moving couples. When he made to take her onto the floor she declined. He was surprised. “C’mon Baby, you can do it,” he encouraged. “Yes I can, but not standing up.”

A young man is talked into a blind date and tho’ she was everything he could have wished on the outside, she was a hyperprude with a very acid conversational response on every subject the guy tried to bring to the evening. He stuck it out, however, to finish the dinner and walk, then while driving her back home tried one last subject; reincarnation. She started and did not let up until they arrive at her place, giving her opinions and presumptions about reincarnation like a rabid southern preacher. They finally pulled up to her place and his ears were ringing. Just as she started to get out of the car he said, “One last thing. Not that I believe in reincarnation, but what were you before you died?”

The Babe said to her date, “Let’s make the evening Dutch. You pay for the dinner and drinks and the rest of the evening will be on me.”

A young man was talking to a very kindly old minister and he felt comfortable enough to ask, “Is it really a sin to sleep with a girl?” The oldster grinned and said, “Oh, no. It’s just that you young men - you don’t sleep.”