Chapter 732

This one is compliments of Mike...

Best Lawyer joke I ever heard (quoted from a lawyer who was candidate for mayor 20+ years ago):

What does a lawyer have in common with Sperm?

Both have a one-in-a-billion chance of being human.

Best Blonde joke I ever heard (told to a blonde mom by her six year old son):

Mommy, Mommy, what does a blonde have in common with a porch door?

The more you bang it, the looser it gets.

(The mother said she wasn’t sure whether to beat the crap out of the kid or laugh like hell).

This one is compliments of Smokey Joe:

The Princess Royal was invited to inspect a regiment of SAS. She was asked if the men could show her how tough and well trained they were by parading on the coldest day naked except for their weapons.

She had no objections to this, so a day was arranged and the inspection started.

Before, though, the commanding officer told her that she could pick any soldier and subject him to a test of his training.

As she walked along the front rank she suddenly jumped on one soldier ‘s bare feet with all her weight, only a slight flicker crossed his face.

“Did that hurt you, soldier?” She queried.

“No, Mam” he replied.

“And why not?” She asked.

“Because I’m an SAS soldier and trained to take pain, Mam”.

Very good, she thought and continued with the inspection.

She then asked the commander if she could borrow his swagger stick, then used it to hit another soldier across the tops of his thighs as hard as she could.

Again she asked “Did that hurt you?”

“No, Mam, I’m a trained SAS soldier and I can withstand pain “.

She was about to return the swagger stick when she spotted an erect penis further down the line of soldiers, she moved forward quickly and brought the stick down on it with all her strength. Not a flicker of pain showed on the soldiers face.

“Didn’t that hurt you at all?” Asked the amazed Princess.

“Not at all, Mam, not a bit.”

“And why not?”

“Because it belongs to the soldier in the rank behind me.”