Chapter 729

This one is compliments of Mario...

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.

A young boy walks into a brothel dragging a dead frog. He asks the man at the front desk if he can have a woman and the man says ‘‘No, son. You have to be 18.’’ The boy hands the man a one hundred dollar bill and the man tells him to go upstairs to Room 7. Then the boy asks the man if he can have a girl with active herpes. The man says ‘‘No, I’m sorry, but all of our girls are clear.’’ The boy hands him another one hundred dollar bill and the man tells him to go upstairs to Room 4. About twenty minutes later, the boy comes back and the man at the front desk asks the boy why he is dragging a dead frog and why he wanted a girl with herpes.

‘‘Well, tonight when the babysitter comes over, I’ll have sex with her and give her herpes. Then, when my dad takes her home, she will give it to him. Then, when my parents have sex tonight, my mum will get it too. Then tomorrow morning when my dad goes to work my mum will give herpes to the postman, and he’s the bastard that ran over my frog!’’.

I was after a job on a local farm and I thought if I took his disabled daughter out on a date, I’d stand a better chance of getting the job. I asked the farmer if that would be OK and he said as long as she was up for it, which she was, then it was fine with him. As she was in a wheel-chair, I borrowed my dad’s estate car and off we went. We had a great night out and although she was very good looking, I didn’t think that it would go any further because of her disability. We left the club and as I settled into my seat after putting her wheelchair in the back, she leaned over and kissed me grabbing my crotch at the same time. “Do you fancy a fuck?” She asked. As I said, she was very attractive and I would have been mad to say no but I was unsure how this would work out. I told he that I didn’t know how we could do it but she told me to drive to a field by her house and park up in the gate way. This I did then she told me to carry her into the field where I would find a tree with a “Y” in the lower branches and I could place her there and have my way with her from behind. This I did and spent the next hour shagging the arse off her. Afterwards, I lifted her down, put her back in the car and drove her home. I pulled up at the front door and the farmer came rushing out and, grabbing me by the shoulders, gave me a big hug and thanked me for bringing her home safe. I explained that I was a gentleman and what else could I have done? To which he informed me that “Everyone else, always leaves her in the tree!”

“I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, ‘No, this is my first time.’ So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

‘Just a minute, ‘ she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. ‘Do these excite you?’ She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

‘Well, come on’, she said, ‘We don’t have much time.’ So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOWWWWWWWW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. ‘Did you put that condom on?’ she asked.

I said, ‘I sure did, ‘ and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.”