Chapter 712

This one is compliments of John jaybee

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking great. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed the guy asks, “If you don’t mind, would you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”

She said,” I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining that there is nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

President Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all.

They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight.

They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world.

Osama found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and bred them with the meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from the litter, and removed his siblings, which gave him all the milk. After 5 years, they came up with the biggest, meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were 5� thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, Bush showed up with a strange looking animal. It was a 15 foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for Bush because there was no way that this dog could possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistan dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of its cage, and slowly waddled over towards Osama’s dog. Osama’s dog snarled and leaped out of its cage and charged the American Dachshund--but when it got close enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its mouth and consumed Osama’s dog in one bite. There was nothing left of his dog at all.

Osama came up to Bush, shaking his head in disbelief, “We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for 5 years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing,”, said Bush. “We had Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeons working for 5 years to make that alligator look like a wiener dog.”

This one is compliments of Matthew

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2! but don’t ask me how they got in the light bulb.