Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 710
Sweet Thoughts
Guy was sitting by his girl and nonchalantly said, “Boy I sure wish I had a little pussy.”
The girl looked at him and replied, “So do I, mine’s as big as a damn house!”
My Grandmother recently passed away due to pneumonia.
Naturally, my cousins and I were Paul bears at her funeral. The funeral home was up a hill with a busy road leading down into the valley.
As we are carrying her casket out to the hearst, it slipped out of our hands and began to tumble downhill. We started to chase after it, but it was moving too fast to stop it.
On the way down the hill I ran into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist: “Do you have something to stop this coffin?”
A bit of British Humor...
I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he’s only got one arm bless him.
I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”
He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”
“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”
“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”
Went out last night and got really wasted.
I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.
So, at least I got home OK.
Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.
“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.
“German,” she replies.
“Occupation?”
“No, just here for a few days.”
As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from inside
screams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”
The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.
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