Chapter 70

This compliments of one of my readers, stupid me never wrote his name ... Sorry but you know who you are.

Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering, you must answer this simple question."

"Which is... ?" they replied in unison.

"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the first girl.

"Oh yes," she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still a virgin even after I got married."

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the golden key."

"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the second girl.

"Quite good," she said. "I was a virgin before I got married, but was not after I got married."

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key."

"Have you been a good girl?" he asked the third girl.

"Oh no, not at all," she said. "I had sex with practically every guy I met, before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime."

"Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... my room key."

One hot summer day, Bruce came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one.

Some 20 minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside... ?"

Bruce called out, "It's mine, mate."

"Your dog seems to be in heat," the cop said.

Bruce replied, "No way. She's cool as, 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."

The cop said, "No... ! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said Bruce. "That dog don't need no bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed 'er this mornin'."

The exasperated cop said, "NO! You idiot, you don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex... !"

Bruce looked at the cop, then at his dog, and said, "Well, go ahead. I've always wanted a police dog..."