Chapter 692

A blind guy sits down in a diner and says to the waiter, “I’m sorry, but I’m blind and I can’t read the menu. So just bring me a dirty fork, I’ll smell it, and order from there.”

The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, breathes deep, and says, “Ah ... that’s what I’ll have ... meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

The waiter can’t believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Rose, who’s the cook.

The next day the blind guy walks in and the waiter says, “I’ll get you a dirty fork.”

He gets a dirty fork, hands it to the blind guy, the blind guy smells it, and says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

The waiter thinks the blind guy is bullshitting with him, so the next day when the blind guy walks in, he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, “Rose, rub this fork on your crotch.” She does it, and then he goes out and hands it to the blind guy.

The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “You’ve got to be kidding me, I didn’t know Rose worked here!”

Girl tweets her boyfriend: You wanna come over and eat something my mother made?

He tweets back: What did she make?

Girl sends simple answer: Me!

My Grandmother recently passed away due to pneumonia.

Naturally, my cousins and I were Pallbearers at her funeral. The funeral home was up a hill with a busy road leading down into the valley.

As we are carrying her casket out to the hearst, it slipped out of our hands and began to tumble downhill. We started to chase after it, but it was moving too fast to stop it.

On the way down the hill I ran into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist: “Do you have something to stop this coffin?”