Chapter 68

This explains the puzzling difference between the brains of men & women. https://www.youtube.com/embed/ulP6f9zXtTs?rel=0

These are from grandpa, a bunny eater ... bad!!!!!

SOME ONE LINERS

I have all the money I'll ever need --If I die by

4 p.m. today

I ask god for a bike. But I know god don't work that way. So I stole one and asked for forgiveness.

I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said "GUESS" on it.

So I said "implants

Children in the dark have accidents, But accidents in the dark make children.

If you think nobody cares your alive try missing a couple of payments

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

There's More

A computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Work harder millions on welfare depend on you.

If your dog is barking at the back door and the wife is yelling at the front door Who do you let in first? The dog of course he'll shut up once you let him in.

There is a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Never under any circumstances take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night.

If sex is a pain in the ass.

You're doing it wrong. how is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire.

Don't piss me off I am running out of places to hide the bodies a friend will bail you out of jail. But your best friend will be sitting beside you saying "Dame that was fun"

A man was going to take a 3 week vacation to

Europe. So he drives into the city, and goes to the bank to get a 5000 cash loan to have some cash for the trip. He does the paper work and is informed he was approved but since he was a new customer they would need some sort of security for the loan. So the man hands the loan. manager the keys to his 2015 Ferrari, which is worth 250000 dollre. So a bank employee takes the car and parks in the banks secure underground parking facility. 3 weeks later the man comes back repays the loan + 39.75 in interest. The loan manager asks why he need a loan that needed a security deposit all since the man was worth about 200 million dollar.

These are compliments of Dale

I went to have my prostate checked the other day. I was very unnerved when I asked the doc where to put my pants, and he said to just hang them over there with his.

I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about. I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said, "By the will of Allah the All Mighty, and the Prophet Muhammad, you will walk today."

I told him I was not paralyzed.

He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing.

Again I told him there was nothing wrong with me.

After the prayers, I stepped outside and, lo and behold, my car was gone.

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing, mate. Could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on their beds. "Hello dere, girls. Your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!."

"I'll prove it" Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course! What's the use of fookin' one?"