Chapter 678

This One Is Compliments of Pepere

A Nun Grading Papers

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure! Pay special attention to the words and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you’ll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals. 5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the jews to the redsea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, moses went up to mount cyanide to get the ten commandments.
9. The first commandment was when eve told adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached canada then joshua led the hebrews in the battle of geritol.
12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige. 25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

This one is compliments of Dom A

This from FBook. I hope it makes a grin for everyone:

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.

He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”

Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know anything about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get an easy $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic. This is what happened. Dr. Young: Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?’

Dr. Geezer: Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth. Dr. Young: Aagh! This is gasoline! Dr. Geezer: Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500. Dr. Young gets annoyed and leaves in a haste.

He’s angry now, and spends the next few days trying to figure out a way to recover his money.

He returns to Dr. Geezer’s office once he thinks of a clever plan Dr. Young: I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything. Dr. Geezer: Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth. Dr. Young: Oh no you don’t. That is Gasoline! Dr. Geezer: Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500. Dr. Young, after having lost $1000 total, leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: My eyesight has become weak. I can hardly see! Dr. Geezer: Well, I don’t have any medicine for that¦ Here’s your $1000 back.

Dr. Young: But this is only $500 Dr. Geezer: Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.

Moral of story Just because you’re Young doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old ‘Geezer’.