Chapter 672

These two are compliments of J and B

Inner Peace During Election I’m passing this on because it worked for me today.

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during this political campaign, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner pess. An telum u luvum.

Very quick quiz for you to practice name recognition. Great mental exercise for us aging folks.

Quiz
Which of the following names are you familiar with?
1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Bill Clinton
3. Hilary Clinton
4. Adolph Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Winnie Mandela
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods
14. Trump

You had trouble with #5?

You know all the criminals, murderers, thieves, sluts, womanizers and cheaters, but you don’t know the Pope??

Lovely, just lovely!

This one is compliments of mario

So, the teacher of six year olds asked who could make a sentence with the word Wonderful in it. I can said little Beth.” Last night I saw a red sunset and it was Wonderful” Very good said the teacher.

Then Jane said “Miss I was allowed to play with my neighbors puppy and it was Wonderful”

Well done said the teacher.

Then little Jimmy, the bad kid at the back of the class, shouted out “ I know one Miss. We were having our tea last night and my 13 yr old sister suddenly said “I am pregnant”. And Dad said, “Wonderful, just FUCKING wonderful”.

I’ve started attending a self-help group for sex addicts.

I haven’t got an addiction. It’s just a great way of meeting sluts

A teacher asks her class “Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood’s girlfriend?”

Little Paddy raises his hand and says, “Yes Miss, it’s Trudy Glen.”

“No Paddy, it’s Maid Marian.”

“But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen.”

A highways agency warning said anyone traveling in icy conditions should take a shovel, blankets, sleeping bag, extra clothing, including a scarf, hat, gloves, 24 hour supply of food and drink, de-icer, rock salt, torch, safety triangle, tow rope, petrol can, first aid kit and jump leads...

I looked a right idiot on the bus this morning.

This one is compliments of Bill Q

Bar Room conversation.

Several guys were sitting in a bar having a few beers. Every time a girl walk in they would each call out a number.

Bartender hearing all this was puzzled and walked over and asked them what they were doing?

One guy answered up. “We’re rating the girls, 1 to 10.”

“What is the bases of your rating system?” asked the bartender.

The guy replied, “How many Clydesdales it would take to get my face out of her pussy.”

Alternate punchline.

The guy replied, “How many six-packs it would take before I would take her to bed.”