Chapter 670

Brilliant Beijing Hotel Brochure - Translated as only they can.

A friend went to Beijing recently and was given this brochure by the hotel. It is precious.

She is keeping it and reading it whenever she feels depressed.

Obviously, it has been translated directly, word for word from Mandarin to English.

Getting There: Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.

The Hotel: This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.

The Restaurant: Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.

Your Room: Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! ... You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.

Bed: Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.

Above All: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

A parable to meditate on in our politically correct society...

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey, and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked “What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding.” The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Later they passed some people who remarked “What a shame, he makes that little boy walk”. So they decided they’d both walk.

Soon they passed some more people who remarked “They’re really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride.” So they both decided to ride the donkey.

They passed some people who shamed them by saying “How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.”

The boy and the man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story: If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye.

Have a nice day.

The Back Nine

I first started reading this email & was reading fast until I reached the third sentence. I stopped and started over reading slower and thinking about every word. This email is very thought provoking. Makes you stop and think. Read slowly! and then it is winter!

You know ... time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams.

But, here it is ... the back nine of my life and it catches me by surprise ... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go?

I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that I was only on the first hole and the back nine was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like.

But, here it is ... my friends are retired and getting gray ... they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me ... but, I see the great change ... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant ... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we’d become.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore ... it’s mandatory! Cause if I don’t on my own free will ... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so ... now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though I’m on the back nine, and I’m not sure how long it will last ... this I know, that when it’s over on this earth ... it’s over. A new adventure will begin! Yes, I have regrets.There are things I wish I hadn’t done ... things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I’m happy to have done. It’s all in a lifetime.

So, if you’re not on the back nine yet ... let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don’t put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether you’re on the back nine or not!

You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life ... so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember ... and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!