Chapter 663

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in a barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves when their barbers reached for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The General immediately shouted “Hey, don’t you go putting any of that stuff on me. My wife will think I have been in a whorehouse.”

The Chief then turned to his barber and said with a wry grin on his face “Go ahead and slap some on me. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

His Lordship was in his study when the butler approached and coughed discretely.

“May I ask a question, m’lord?”

“Go ahead, Carson” said his Lordship.

“I’m doing the crossword and I’ve come across a word I am not too clear about.”

“And what word is that?” asks His Lordship

“Aplomb, m’Lord”

“Ah, now that’s a difficult one to explain, Carson. I would say it is self-assurance, or perhaps complete composure.”

“Thank you, m’Lord, but I am still a little confused.”

“Then let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you recall a few months ago when the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend the weekend with us?”

“I remember the occasion very well m’Lord. It gave the staff and me great pleasure to look after them.”

“Also”, continued the Earl, “do you remember when Will plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?”

“I happened to be present on that occasion, m’Lord, administering to their needs.”

“Well, do you recall that, when picking the rose a thorn embedded itself quite deply in Will’s thumb?”

“I witnessed the entire incident, m’lord” said Carson, “and saw the Duchess herself bandage his thumb with her own handkerchief.”

“Then, later that evening the hole from the thorn was very sore so Kate had to cut up his venison even though it was very tender.”

“Yes m’lord, I saw everything that transpired that evening and remember it clearly.”

“And do you also remember the next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship she asked of Will “Darling, does your prick still throb? and you, Carson, did not spill a drop?”

“That is what you call aplomb.”