Chapter 66

At a local bar in downtown Barrie the owner/bartender was so sure that he was the strongest man around, that he offered a standing $1,000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to the patron...

Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money.

Many people had tried over the years: weight lifters, longshoremen, block layers, etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it.

One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar.

After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a small voice: "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said: "Ok,..."

He grabbed a lemon and squeezed the heck out of it. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.

But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon ... and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000, and then asked the little man: "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for aliving? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for Revenue Canada."

These are compliments of Dave

President Obama walks into the Bank of America and says to a cashier, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me"?

Cashier:

"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID"?

Obama:

"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to.

I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the

United States."

Cashier:

"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the

Government regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters and forgers, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."

Obama:

"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."

Cashier:

"I am sorry, but these are government and bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama:

"I am urging you please to cash this check."

Cashier:

"Look, this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank lobby into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger

Woods and we cashed his check."

"Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and served an ace shot directly into the center of our bank logo

90 feet away. With that spectacular shot we cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says:

"Honestly, nothing comes to mind. I can't think of a single thing I can do."

Cashier:

"Will that be large or small bills, Mr.

President?"

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. PNS

4. PUS

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

Answers:

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong ... didn't you?

You do NOT have Alzheimer's

You are a Pervert!!