Chapter 657

These are compliments of Smokey Joe

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, “Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing.” God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, “Begging Your pardon Sir, but I thought you were going to punish him.” God smiled. “Think about it -- who can he tell?”

She’s Apple’s Mate

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple!

Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York? She fell for the Big Apple!

Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.

What kind of apple isn’t an apple? A pineapple.

What did the apple say to the apple pie? “You’ve got some crust.”

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!

Why didn’t the two worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs!

How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.

What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm!

What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard’s on fire.

What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.

What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don’t eat.

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie? Puff pastry!

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do? It can look round.

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.