Chapter 650

This one is compliments of smokeyjoe

Young man who lived in a village where everybody seemed to know what everyone else was doing was about to get married to a local lass.

Due to the fact that any hanky panky would not only been know about, it was also frowned on. He knew absolutely nothing about what to do on his wedding night.

After a bit of careful thought, he went to the local pub and found ‘Old Tom’ and after buying him a pint of his favourite beer said to him. “Tom, you know I’m getting married soon. Well I don’t know what to do on our wedding night.”

“Well now, let’s see, I’ll give you as much help as I can.” Said Tom, and he then gave the lad as much instruction as he could.

“Have you got the idea now?”

“I’m not 100%sure” said the lad.

“Hmmm! “ murmured Tom, “now, us old guys, when we want a bit of sexual relief go out to the copse of trees on top of the hill behind the village. In the middle there’s an old oak tree with a knot hole at just the right height, go up there where no one can see you and practice.”

So, on his wedding night they went to the only place in the village, the local pub.

Tom watched them climb the stairs thinking ‘I hope what I told him is O.K.’

Five minutes later there comes a piercing scream from upstairs, ‘huh huh’ thought Tom ‘ his in and should be alright now’ a few seconds later there’s another scream, even louder. ‘Making heavy weather of getting through’ then an even louder scream.

‘What the heel’ thought Tom. He dashed up the stairs, threw the door open, only to see the girl laying not the bed and the new husband ramming a long wooden pole in and out of her fanny.

“What the hell are you doing that for,” yelled Tom.

The young man replied “I’m making sure there’s no bees in this hole.”

Do you know that according to the holy book (bible) everyone is allowed to have 16 husbands/wives.

‘4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer’.

Hmmm! I have enough problems with one, (dear, please put that club down, OUCH)

This one is compliments of John A.

When God Sends You Help. Don’t Ask Questions

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication. Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.

The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.

Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag.

He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: “Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.

She hugged the man and through tears said, “Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man.”

The man heard her little prayer and replied, “Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft.”

The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, “Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!”

Is GOD great or what!?!