Chapter 647

A single woman was shopping at the local supermarket where she selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk

A carton of eggs

A quart of orange juice

A head of lettuce

A 2 lb. Can of coffee

A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading the items on to the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”

She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the drunk’s intuition, since she indeed had never found Mr. Right and was single.

She looked over the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity got the better of her and she said, “‘Yes, you are correct. But how on earth did you know that I was single?”

The drunk replied, “Cause ... you’re really fuckin’ ugly.”

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfares, accommodation etc., but he didn’t realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can’t go. If you’re interested and want to go instead of him...

it’s at St Peter’s Church, in New York City, at 5pm. Her name’s Louise. She’s 5’4”, about 125 lbs, good cook, makes $130,000 a year! She will be the one in the white dress.

Here is the answer, finally!!!~:-) Went out last night for Halloween dressed as a chicken Met a girl dressed as an egg. A lifelong question was answered. It was the chicken.

Blonde Helping a Trucker...

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down...

The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde.

“But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

You know you’re going to forward this...