Chapter 646

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a redhead, are you?

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”

Yah, it may be a repeat, but worth a second look!!!

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the ‘Husband Store’ to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice, ‘ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow, ‘ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a ‘New Wives Store’ just across the street.

The First Floor has wives that love sex.

The Second Floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The Third, Fourth, Fifth and Sixth Floors have never been visited.

These Are Compliments of Smokeyjoe

Some army recruits were being instructed on how to challenge anybody whilst on guard duty. Unfortunately the sergeant instructing them had a bad stutter, so the lecture went like this.

“Wwwwhen yyyyou observe ssssomewwwon apppproaching yyyyyouu ssssay ‘Hhhalt, wwwwho ggggoes tthere, apppproach aaaand ggggive tttthe pppasswwwword.”

“If tttthey ddddon’t ssssstop, tttthen yyyyou ssssshoot tttthem.”

“Bbbbut, fffffor Cccccchrist sssssake, mmmmake sssssure its nnnnot mmmme ffffirst.”

Heard about the two Irish homosexual?

Michael Firzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael

The homosexual cowboy?

Road into town and shot up the sheriff

The two homosexuals in a phone box?

They were trying to ring each other.

A drunk staggered out of the pub, it was a terrible night, the wind was blowing and the rain was almost horizontal.

So he decided to take a shortcut via the local cemetery, unfortunately in his drunken state he didn’t see the freshly dug grave and fell in.

He tried to climb out and kept on sliding back down the wet sides, after trying a number of times he decided to stay huddled up at the driest end of the open hole and wait for rescue.

Some time later another drunk headed the same way, didn’t see the open grave and fell in. He also tried to get out, climbing up and sliding back down again.

After watching the second guys effort to get out, the first guy leaned forward, tapped him on his shoulder and said “you’ll never get out!”

He did.