Chapter 645

From anonymous

“It occurs to me that all the fuss about Donald Trump’s reference to ‘grabbing by the pussy’ is pretty confusing ... If you’re not supposed to grab ‘em by the pussy, why do they call it a ‘snatch?’”

This One Is Compliments of John V

A businessman is sent to Saudi Arabia to conclude a deal with a sheik. After their business is finished the sheik invites him to spend the night before leaving to go home.

‘Mr Smith, you have been a very good business man and I am happy that you gave me the respect of personally coming here to conclude our business deal. I wish to have a small competition with you.’

Smith thinks it over for a second and accepts as he wants to stay on the sheik’s good side.

‘What will we have to do?’

‘I have a harem and they will send women to our rooms tonight. The person who makes love with the most women tonight will be the winner.’

Smith is shocked but he can’t back down after agreeing.

That night a lovely brunette arrives at his room and he spends an hour making love to her. After she leaves he makes a ‘l’ mark on a sheet of paper.

After a bit, a lovely redhead arrives and he rises to the occasion and spends an hour making love to her. After she leaves he puts down another mark on the paper. ‘ll’

He rests for an hour and then a lovely blonde arrives. He is tired but he spends an hour making love to her. At the end he makes his third mark ‘lll’ and then falls asleep.

In the morning the sheik comes in to wake him and notices the paper.

‘Congratulations my friend. You beat me by 7 women, I only made love to 104 of them.’

This One Is Compliments of Smokeyjoe

Father Michael, a young novice monk was called to the Abbotts office.

“I’m sending you and the other novices to Sydney to spread our cause. I want you to go around ‘Kings Cross’, because you joined our order very early in your life, I feel that you will not succumb to temptation.”

So off he went, spreading the good word. For four days he did this, working till late into the evening.

Because of this he noticed the ‘Ladies of the Night’ parading around. Due to their scanty outfits, unusual things were happening ‘downstairs’ in his habit.

He finally realised what these feelings lent to, so sitting in his hotel room he decided that even as it was contrary to his vows, as long as no one found out he could try it once to ‘see what it’s all about’.

The next day he went out and bought a casual outfit and that evening went out dressed in these clothes. He also withdrew some money from his bank account.

Approaching one of the ‘Ladies’ (after watching the way clients negotiated with them), he did the same.

They went up to her room and started to undress, she looked at him as he dropped his trousers and screamed “You’re not putting that thing in me, it’ll rip me apart, your huge, you’re a freak, here’s your money back, get out.”

So a bit put out, he tried another one and the same thing.

By this time he was getting a bit frustrated, so he had a plan. After negotiating with another, up to her room they went. As she shut the door he said “I’m a little shy, can we do this with the lights off, please?”

“Lights on, lights off, I don’t care, it still costs the same.”

Just as he was about to get aboard he had a fit of remorse, “I have to tell you, this is my first time and I’m a monk, I believe in God and the bible.”

Then she said as he made his move.

“Oh! I don’t care if you believe in ‘JESUS CHRIST!”