Chapter 644

This is compliments of smokeyjoe

Three Viking ships ran ashore in England near a village.

The first two were immaculate, polished swords, axes and shields, everything neat and tidy.

The third ship was scruffy, rusty swords, nicked axes and generally an extreme mess.

The leader shouted out, “First ship, kill all the men, second ship, pillage.”

At that the crew of the third ship groaned, “Oh! Shit, rape again.”

This one is compliments of Charmbrights

Paddy was walking home from work when the Priest spotted him.

“Hullo to you Patrick. And why have you not been to Mass these many weeks?”

“I’ll definitely be there this week. I had a dream and have to go to Mass.”

“So what was your dream, Patrick, that has you cleaning up your ways?”

“It was about heaven and about you, Father.”

“Tell me, my son.”

“Well Father, I was walking along a road and I came to a great big ladder going up into the clouds, and an angel was stood by it. He asked me did I want to go to heaven? Well of course I said yes and he gives me a piece of chalk and says, ‘go up this ladder to heaven, but you must mark one rung with the chalk for each sin you have committed.’ So I started up chalking away, for as you know Father I have committed quite a few sins.”

“I can understand that but what had I to do with this dream?”

“Well Father, then I met you coming down the ladder.”

“Why would I be coming down the ladder, my son, if it led to heaven?” asked the Priest.

“To get more chalk, Father.”

This one is compliments of John A.

Irish Remorse

Apology from an Irish Hospital ... SUCH COMPASSION

DEAR MR. MURPHY,

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your penis showed it was not cancerous.

It was lipstick.

We deeply regret the amputation.