Jokes and Giggles
Copyright© 2015 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 643
These Are Compliments of Smokeyjoe.
While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honour, I’m guilty but there were extenuating circumstances.”
The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too s0000 I listened as the lady told her story.
“Your Honour, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”
I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.”
Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.
I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!
Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.
“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy ... the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”
Before I could shout NO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, ‘maintenance men Extraordinaire’ found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling, mashed between two glass plates!
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