Jokes and Giggles

When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn’t feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman! What a pair of sexist twats. I mean, it’s not as if she’d have to reverse the fucking thing!

Barry gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the fucking Hell have you been”... ??? Barry replies “I was out getting a Tattoo”... ?? “A Tattoo”... ??? she frowned. “What kind of Tattoo did you get”.?? “I got a Tattoo of a Hundred Dollar Bill on my Knob” he said proudly. “What the Hell were you thinking”?.?? she said, shaking her head in disgust. “Why on Earth would you get a Hundred Dollar Bill Tattooed on your Knob”... ??? “Well, 4 Reasons - One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and Blow a Hundred Bucks anytime you want.”

If you wish to visit.

Barry is in the Royal Brisbane Hospital, Critical Care Unit, Room 233

Pete and Mary were walking home from the pub when Mary says: “I need a piss” an goes behind a bush and drops her knickers. Feeling horny, Pete puts his hand through the bush and feels something dangling between Mary’s legs. He says “have you changed sex?” Mary says “no, I have changed my mind, I am having a shit!”

So Happy I’ve finally “Tied the Knot”...

I Just need to Kick the Chair she’s standing on and then I’m a Free Man... !

I was walking down the street and I saw these two blokes wearing matching outfits, right down to the same belts. I yelled out, “hey Dickheads, do you know you’re wearing the exact same clothes today?” It was at this point that they arrested me!:)