Chapter 629

This Group Is Compliments of Mario Mario

My mate went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back. Half way through he said, “Don’t forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand.” The tattooist said “For fuck sake, give us a chance mate, I’ve only just finished his turban!”

Professor Higgins at Cork University was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to the first year medical students. This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’ She replied, ‘Probably golfing with his buddies.’ It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom...

Paddy walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” Paddy replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it.Paddy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Paddy looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

“Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking!”

After years of trying, I’ve finally found my wife’s G-spot. Can you believe her sister had it all along!:)