Chapter 626

This Compliments of Smokeyjoe

Cop pulls over a car that was slowly driving along at about 20 Kph. He notices that there are 4 old ladies in the car, the 3 in the passenger seats looked terrified with pale faces. The driver asks why he stopped her and the cop says because your only doing 20Kph and holding up following traffic.

“Well I as only obeying the speed limit” she explains, pointing at a street sign. “But that sign is showing the route number ‘B20’”

“Oh! “ she said, “We’ve just come off ‘A180’”

A young couple just got married, whilst they had been given the ‘Birds and Bees’ lecture from their respective parents, they had never had any ‘Practical’ experience.

Getting into their hotel room to perform the ‘Wedding Night’ horizontal mambo, they both froze and stood staring at each other in a panic.

After some time the bride realised that unless she did something, they would be standing there all night.

“Darling, let’s play a little game, O.K?”

“Like what?” He asked.

“I’ll bet you I can be undressed and on the bed before you can spell BRIDE, alright.”

“Go on then, see if you can. B - R - I - D - E.”

She’s undressed and laying on the bed in a seductive pose.

“Hey, that’s great sweetheart, alright, I bet you I can be undressed and on the bed before you can spell GROOM.”

So she spells “G - R - Ohhh - Ohhh - Mmmmm.”

This one is compliments of John A. it may be a repeat

THE DUCK AND THE LAWYER

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Wairarapa. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in New Zealand and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Wairarapa. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule.’” The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?” The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and remaining strength and very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.” (I love this part) The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”

I was just wondering if I is just me or does anyone else get road rage from pushing a cart in Wal-Mart’

Men say that women should come with a instruction manual. This makes me wonder, has anyone actually seen a man read a instruction manual.

Husbands are the best people to share secrets with as they will not repeat them, because they aren’t even listening any way.