Chapter 624

This One Is Compliments of Smokeyjoe

Jack got married, due to the fact that he had a very strict upbringing, he never had any experience with sex. Playing with himself, looking at porn, not even sly looks at well endowed minimally dressed women got to him, so he went into his wedding a physical and mental virgin.

After a week of nothing happening with his new bride, she suggested he go see a doctor.

The doctor, after realising just what Jack didn’t know, proceeded to explain the facts of life to him.

After about an hour, he asks Jack if he understands what to do, Jack looks a bit confused and said he wasn’t sure.

So the doctor calls his nurse in, gets her to strip off and lay on the examination couch, then the doctor gets on top and on the job.

“Lift up my left testical,” Jack does that, “Do you see what I’m doing.”

“Huh huh,” says Jack.

“Do this to your wife at least once a day and twice on the weekends, O.K?”

So Jack goes home, ready to try what he’d learned.

About 2 weeks later, the doctor sees Jack coming towards him on a pair of crutches.

“Hello Jack, how’s things going?” He asks.

“Oh, so so.” Answered Jack.

“Did you try what I showed you with your wife?”

“Mmmm, yup, when I got home, I thought I’d try it straight away. So I stripped off, got her clothes off, then I thought ‘what do i lay her on’ then I spotted the ironing board. So I lays her on that. Then I thought ‘what do I hold my left testical up with’ I know a piece of string from it to the light fitting, I just got on top of her when the ironing board collapsed. That’s why I’m walking like this.”

Paddy goes to the doctor with a problem.

“So, Paddy, what’s the matter?” asked the doc.

“Well it’s like this, I’ve got 9 kids already and I don’t need the wife pregnant again. What’ll I do, I got enough.”

“I can put your wife on the pill” the doc says.

“The what.”

“You know, the contraceptive pill. But you must wear a rubber for a month till she becomes protected”

“A what? A rubber what?”

“You obviously haven’t a clue what I’m on about, here duck into this alley, I happen to have on one means I’ll show you how to wear it. And remember, don’t take it off.”

So the doc gets him to drop his dacks, then proceeds to put a Durex rubber on for him, then sends him on his way.

Some months later, the doctor sees Paddy coming towards him, “good day, Paddy, how things.”

Paddy charges up and belts the doc on the nose, “you and your bloody contra-whatever’s and flaming rubber whatsits, the wife’s bloody pregnant again.”

“She shouldn’t be, I told you to wear a rubber.”

“I did, in fact I’ve still got it on.”

“You what! show me.

So Paddy drops his dacks, the doc looks and says, “you’ve cut the end off, why?”

“Course I did, how do you expect me to have a piss.”

These are compliments of john a A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat. The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? - Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?” The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me tell you sumsing, lady. I vasn’t staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from.” The drunk woman giggled and responded, “Well, if you’re not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what are you doing then?” He paused a moment, then told her... “Vell, M’am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, ‘Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping de money to pay for dis ride? Now, that’s a REAL Businessman!

1. Going to bed early.

2. Staying in the house.

3. Not going to a party.

MY CHILD HOOD PUNISHMENTS ARE NOW MY LIFE GOALS.

WHAT DID OUR PARENTS DO BEFORE THE INTERNET TO PREVENT BOREDOM?

I ASKED MY 26 BROTHERS AND SISTERS AND THEY DID NOT KNOW EITHER. AS YOU GET OLDER YOU HAVE TO THINK POSITIVE.

THE OTHER DAY I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AND THOUGHT THAT IS THE FASTEST I HAVE MOVED IN YEARS.