Chapter 621

This is compliments of mark b

A farmer named Gerry Drover had a car accident. He was hit by a PEI potato truck owned by the MacLean Company.

In court, the Maclean Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Gerry.

“Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’” asked the solicitor.

Gerry responded: “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da...”

“I didn’t ask for any details,” the solicitor interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?”

Gerry said, “Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road...”

The solicitor interrupted again and said, “Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Gerry’s answer and said to the solicitor: “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie.”

Gerry thanked the Judge and proceeded. “Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Maclean potato truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

“Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, “Mr. Drover, how are you feelin’? ... Now yer honor, wot da fock would you say?”

Yes, I know there are different variations of this joke posted but it is still funny.

The following is compliments of StarFleetCarl

Murphy’s Law of Combat

No battle plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.

First Corollary:

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
A. When you’re ready for them, and
B. When you’re not ready for them.

Second Corollary:

Professionals are predictable. It’s the amateurs that are dangerous.

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The problem with taking the easy way out is the enemy has already mined it.

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The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

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Incoming fire has the right of way.

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If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.

Corollary:

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you’ve found the combat zone.

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Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

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Don’t be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.

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A “sucking chest wound” is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

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When you have secured an area, don’t forget to inform the enemy.

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If it’s stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid.

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Helicopters have been described as nothing more than 50,000 parts flying in close formation. It is the mechanics responsibility to keep that formation as tight as possible.

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If the enemy is within range, so are you.