Chapter 620

This item is from a concerned reader in regards to yesterday’s posting. Take Heed!

I enjoyed the joke about the dog but I just want to let you know something about amanita toadstools.

Squirrels can eat amanita toadstools and suffer no ill effects at all. However if a human eats an amanita toadstool and it gets into the system there’s nothing that can be done. Pumping the stomach won’t save the victim. This is especially true if the victim is a child. Just thought I’d let you know. The genus is responsible for 95% of fatalities from poisonous mushrooms. The so called Death Cap is responsible for 50% of those fatalities.

Seeking a weekend break from his campaign rallies, Donald Trump jetted to his yacht, which was docked off the coast of Italy. He invited Pope Francis and the press corps on board for a Saturday afternoon cruise. It was a rather windy day. The Pope’s little hat, his zucchetto, was blown from his head and into the water. A crewman began lowering a boat to retrieve the zucchetto. Trump told the crewman not to bother.

Trump climbed down the yacht’s ladder; walked across the waves, picked up the zucchetto; walked back to the yacht and handed it to the Pope.

The Pope and the press corps were amazed! Donald Trump could actually walk on water! Speculation immediately began as to how ABC, CNN, NBC, ABC, The Washington Post and New York Times would report this miraculous event to the rest of the world.

The next morning the New York Times headline read...

DONALD TRUMP CAN’T SWIM!!!

This one is compliments of John A.

My wife Andrea found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog’s ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in in the dog’s ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some “Nair” hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, “If you’re going to use this under your arms, don’t use deodorant for a few days.”

Andrea said, “I’m not using it under my arms.”

The pharmacist said, “If you’re using it on your legs, don’t use body lotion for a couple of days.”

Andrea replied, “I’m not using it on my legs. If you must know, I’m using it on my Schnauzer.”

The pharmacist said “I wouldn’t ride a bike for a couple of days in that case”