Chapter 619

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak, but she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.

Her husband suggested, “Why don’t you go pick some of the mushrooms that are growing wild down by the stream?

“No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous.”

“Well, I see squirrels eating them and they’re OK.”

So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double handful. Spot ate every bite. All morning long, she watched the dog. The wild mushrooms hadn’t affected him after a few hours, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success. After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,

“Mum, Spot is dead.”

Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible, Called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it ... I’ll call for an ambulance and I’ll be there as quickly as I can. We’ll give everyone enemas and we’ll pump out their stomachs and everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the road. The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach.

Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and said,

“Everything will be okay now,” and with that he left.

The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the Living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum...

“I can’t believe that guy!”

“What guy?”

“You know, that bastard who ran over Spot; He never even slowed down.”

This one is compliments of Pepere:

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “No, I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.”

The milkman asked, “Do you want it pasteurized?”

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

The blonde said, “No, just up to my tits ... I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!”