Chapter 617

You can thank smokeyjoe for this one...

This is British Humour, you may have to read it twice... :)

This one is old, a time when to go for No .2s in an English public toilet costed a penny. The cubical door had a coin operated lock that the penny opened.

A man went to see his doctor, “Doc, I’m constipated, I haven’t been in nearly a week.”

So the doctor examined him, gave him some laxatives and sent him on his way.

Two days later, the guy is back, still nothing.

So the doc gives him some more powerful ones and sends him away.

Again he’s back, demanding that the doc does something and quickly.

The doc says “I’ve got these experimental ones, but they work in thirty seconds, they are so powerful I can’t send you home with them so you have to use the public toilet across the street. Our toilet is out of action and won’t be fixed for at least 10 days.”

“So, before I give them to you, I need to see you make the toilet in less than 30 seconds.”

So the doc gets out a stopwatch, says GO, and the guy starts running, down the stairs, across the pavement, dives between cars almost causing an accident, into the toilet and puts his hand out the window as a signal.

When he gets back, the doc says “I’m sorry, it took you 38 seconds, I can’t give them to you.”

“I didn’t know the way, doc, let me try again.”

“O.k. GO” and he’s running again, down the stairs, across the pavement (almost skittling a little old lady), across the road just missing a bus and into the toilet and again hand out the window.

“Well, how was that, doc?”

“Hmmm! 26 seconds, alright open wide.” He swallowed the medication and took off like a 100 metre sprinter, down the stairs almost ripping the handrail off the wall, across the pavement, across the street causing a taxi to swerve violently and into the toilet.

The doc was watching and timing this, 25 seconds, he’ll be O.k. He thought and went back to work.

About half an hour later, there was a knock on the door and the guy came in absolutely covered in shit, “have you got a penny in exchange for two half penny’s?”

Paddy and Mick were looking for work when they saw a sign saying help wanted. Going in they asked about getting a job.

The boss said I’ll need to ask a couple of questions to see if you’ll fit in.

So he takes Paddy into another room and asks “if I stuck my finger in one of your eyes. What would be?”

“Why! I’d be half blind, sur.”

“O.k. If I took two fingers and stuck them in both your eyes, what would be?”

“I’d be totally blind, sur.”

“Good, good, you’ve got a job. Now send Mick in.”

As Mick entered, Paddy said, “just remember, half blind and totally blind.”

The boss thinks I’ll change the questions just in case there’s any collusion.

“Mick, if I took a knife and cut one of your ears off, what would you be.”

“Oh! I’d be half blind, sur.”

Mmmm! They have colluded he thinks, but I’ll keep it going.

“If I took my knife and cut both your ears off, what would you be?”

“Well sur, I’d be totally blind.” Said Mick.

“How on earth do you work that out?” The boss demanded.

“I’d have nothing to keep me hat up.” Mick replied.

He got a job as well.