Chapter 599

This Scary but How True It Is!

If my body were a car...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my point job is getting a little dull... “But” that’s not the worst of it!

My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best weather.

My whitewall are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But Here’s The Worst Of It...

Almost Every Time I sneeze, Cough Or Sputter, Either My Radiator Leaks Or My Exhaust Backfires!!!!!

As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.

They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.

They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons; all is going well.

Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire.

The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.

The Queen turns to President Obama, “Mr. President, please accept my regrets ... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot Control.”

Obama, always trying to be “Presidential”, replied: “Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought ... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses.”