Chapter 584

This actually happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

A French policeman stops the Englishman’s car and asks if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malts scotches thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verifies that he is indeed totally sloshed.

He asks the Englishman if he knows why, under French Law, he is going to be arrested.

The Englishman answers with a bit of humour,

“No sir, I do not! But while we’re asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving on the other side?”

This has been made possible by a sharing Reader.

If God was a Woman...

1. Sex would smell like chocolate

2. Farts would smell like roses

3. Dogs would smell spring fresh

4. Babies would come from vending machines

5. Men would be born with a permanent erection

6. All women would have the same size breasts

7. There would be no cellulite

8. Every food on the planet would be FAT FREE

9. Men would be born with an “OFF” switch

10. There would be no “Hooters”

11. A man’s paycheck would be made payable to his wife

12. All menstrual cycles would be replaced with a 5-8 day vacation in Hawaii!

13. Men would inherit the menstrual cycle

14. Men would come with software to be custom designed

15. Men would come equipped with homing device for quick location by wife

16. Men would have a built in lie detector on forehead for instant verification of truth

17. Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches

18. Sex would last longer than 3- seconds

19. Foreplay would not be a quick slap on the fanny and a kiss on the cheek

20. Viagra becomes an over the counter drug.

When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah asked,” Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable.”

Mr. Burns said,” I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it.”

Oprah said,” I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age.”

George said, “Of course I still do the sex thing, and I am quite good at it.”

Oprah said, “ I have never been with an older man, would you do it with me?”

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, “I just don’t believe I have ever been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man.